All posts by : Juan Terrazas

In February 2019, I remember coming home to a big surprise. Amy gave me a gift, and at the time I thought it was random. When I opened it, I could not believe what I saw. I opened the gift to find baby shoes. I was excited to see the news that we were pregnant. The baby shoes were in my hands, and I just sat there in awe. All I could think about was that this was a dream come true. As a teenager, I had always hoped I would become a father. Through all my struggles I fought and fought because I knew that I would be a father one day, and I wanted to give my wife and children the best life possible. Finally, the moment had arrived. As I sat there starring at the baby shoes, I was overwhelmed with emotion on the inside, and I wanted to cry for joy. I remember going to the doctor’s appointment and confirming the pregnancy. It became more real as the doctor congratulated us. My teenage hopes were manifesting.

Over the next couple of weeks, Amy had mentioned she had not felt any of the early pregnancy sickness others spoke about. I thought it was good she didn’t have to go through that. However, as the days went by, Amy felt something was not right. On March 13, 2019, Amy had a miscarriage. That was one of the most difficult things to see her go through. I was devastated and still in disbelief. It was one thing for me to feel this way, but it was another thing to have to actually go through the miscarriage. We have heard of this happening to other people, and one would never think it could happen to them. We kept quiet about the event. When events such as this one happen, fear grips you and makes you wonder if it will occur again.

Although we were devastated, Amy and I felt that we were ready to become parents, so we were making some changes and preparation. Buying a house was just a thought at the moment, but we were researching our options. Amy had just started working from home with VIP Kid, and I was still at the Path Project learning the ropes. We prayed and hoped our next pregnancy would gift us with a little life. Several months later, on Amy’s birthday, July 2nd, she took a pregnancy test, and the results were in. We were pregnant and excited about the news. However, I feared we would have a repeating episode of the last one. The doctor confirmed this pregnancy also. When the time came to see the baby in the first ultrasound visit, we had the privilege of seeing our little one begin to develop in Amy’s womb. We were awestruck, wonderstruck, and lost for words that this was actually happening.  

The months went by, and Amy’s tummy grew. We ran a 5K and then revealed the gender of the baby. It was a boy! It took us months to decide on a name. I mentioned the name, Zion. I thought the name showed strength, and it has been used interchangeably with Jerusalem – God’s dwelling place. Eventually, Amy came up with the name Eben (which is short for Ebenezer). We decided not to tell anybody until the day the baby was born. By the grace of God, we were able to purchase our first home in November 2019. We hoped to have our own home for the baby. Zion’s due date was March 5, 2020. When the date arrived, he was not ready. We had to wait another week with anticipation. Through all the hard work and labor Amy endured, Zion was finally born on March 13, 2020. The day had finally come when we got to meet our little boy. He was so precious that we could not take our eyes off him. We still can’t take our eyes off him. 

March 13 was a significant day for Zion’s birth because a year prior, Amy had suffered a miscarriage.  It was a difficult moment to endure, but when Zion was born, it reminded us of God’s grace. Now, we see Zion every day, and he has captivated our heart. It’s amazing to see how much he has grown in a year. He has developed his own attitude, likes, and dislikes. There is so much of him that fills my heart with joy. We may never know who our first little one could have been, but we hope that we will one day meet him or her. Zion’s life is God’s gift and promise to us. He is a constant reminder that the Lord is faithful. Because of Zion, our mourning was turned into Joy. 

Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.

Psalm 30:5b

In December 2012, I went to go pick up my little brother, Luis, from El Paso to come to live with me in Dallas. Our first night in Dallas together, we both shared a twin size bed. As we were going to sleep, I vividly remember Luis asking me, “Why do people have to die? Why is there so much trouble in the world?” As he asked that, I was stunned to get his questions, but I now realized all the trouble he had seen in his youth. I took a few seconds to ponder his question. I answered him, “All of these things do happen, but if you believe in God, He promises that one day He will put an end to all of it. There will be no more death or suffering.”

This is what we all hope for. For those of us who have lost a loved one, pain, sorrow, grieve, and tears fill the heart. As I get older, I realize that death is inevitable. Sometimes, we feel invincible in our youth, but for most of us, we don’t know if we will live to see tomorrow. I don’t think many of us are trained to cope with a grievous loss. I know I’m not.

This past couple of months have been difficult for my family. While I was at work one day in June, I had a few missed calls from my mom. I thought it strange because my mom rarely calls me without giving me advance notice. All I could think about is, “this must be bad news.” I was afraid to call back. When I did call her back, my mom broke the news to me that my cousin, Mayra, who was nine months pregnant was shot three times and killed by her husband. I managed to maintain a straight face at work. On my way home, I called my mom and my uncle Manuel. I really had no words to comfort him, but I prayed for him. Little did I know, that would be the last time I would speak to him.

On August 12, 2020, my mom called me and told me that my uncle Manuel was shot to death. My mom asked me to call my sister, Alma, to tell her the news, so I did. Having to call a family member to let them know that another family member was shot to death is the worst phone call anyone can ever make. I didn’t know how to handle the news, and I still don’t know how to psychologically cope with it. My family is grieving.

I’m not sure if you have ever watched wrestling, and when one of the wrestlers runs towards the other and gets his body swang, my uncle used to do that to me when I was little. I enjoyed it, and he was happy to do it. When I saw him again in Juarez in 2017, he reminded me of that. I remember he came to visit our family in Dallas a few times. He looked like an exact replica of my grandpa. My mom loved him and constantly looked out for him. I wish I could have done more for him myself. I miss my uncle. I cried when I got the news.

I know death is inevitable, and we will die one day. However, the way a person dies is what makes the situation more difficult. I hope I never have to make another phone call like that again. I love you Tio. Lo voy estrañar…

Revelation 21:4

Like many, I have been frustrated at the events happening in our country. Some people see an issue while others don’t. I speak out because I believe there is an issue concerning the injustices that have happened to people of color, specifically the Black community. Now, you may not agree with me, but that’s ok. If you have never experience the sting of racism or the effects of the system, it will be difficult for you to understand. I spoke to my friend Jim Hollandsworth, and he shared his frustration with me as well. We are both Christian. We both come from different backgrounds, but our individual stories are intertwined into a greater story. Below, Jim wrote down his thoughts on the current events, as did I. I recently wrote a memo for an online Communication course I took, and I decided to share it here. Before you get to judging, I hope you take some time to process what is happening around our country and what we wrote. There are so many more things to expound on and had we done it, this post would be a book. I hope we can keep the conversation going, pray and see how to find solutions.

Jim Hollandsworth

Juan Terrazas

Our Country has been through much racial tension in its history, and we need healing in our land. A few years ago, a movement, called OneRace, was first initiated on top of Stone Mountain, GA in 2017 to denounce racism, where the second wave of the Ku Klux Klan emerged in 1915 after years of being dispersed.

As a forewarning, this memo is not written to blame or make anyone feel guilty. All I am simply seeking is to begin conversations about race in the Church that have been so long ignored. If not now, then when? The Church has been complicit in dividing races, so it is time we address the matter. In the 1600s, Europeans in the Americas used the word “Christian” to describe themselves and excluded the Natives and enslaved people. Separations of races are deep-seated in our country.

There are inequalities in our justice systems. School systems are specific examples. Black Americans who violate rules are at a higher risk of receiving harsher disciplined such as suspension, and which can ultimately lead to convictions, imprisonment, and school drop-outs. School drop-outs have been linked to juvenile delinquency. Laws, such as the Stop and Frisk law, are a form of racial profiling. Young Black and Latino males are at a higher risk to be stopped and frisked by law enforcement according to an article Al Sharpton wrote.

The current events occurring in our nation are undoubtfully heart wrenching as riots are breaking out and businesses are going up in flames. The events we are witnessing did not occur overnight, but there have been domino effects from previous events. George Floyd’s death, at the hands of four Minneapolis policemen, could have been avoided had one fellow officer stepped in to remove officer Derek Chauvin’s knee off Floyd’s neck. Prior to that, Breonna Taylor, an emergency medical technician (EMT) fighting COVID-19 as a frontline worker, was gunned down by police as they forced their way into her house. Prior to that, Ahmaud Arbery, was chased down by two white men who accused Arbery of burglary; he fought for his life as he was shot three times. These are only three of many. Need I mention anymore? Tamir Rice, Eric Garner, John Crawford III, Trayvon Martin, and Philando Castile have lost their lives due to state violence and police brutality.

This past week, I re-read Dr. King’s 1963 letter from the Birmingham jail. As I read it I found several points he made that are relevant to today’s events. I briefly want to touch on two of those points.

• First, when Dr. King protested, his methods were to encourage nonviolent protests. He trained people to face the reality of being ostracized. In recent years, Colin Kaepernick, the 49er’s former quarterback, decided to kneel during the national anthem to protest for police brutality against Black American men, but he was condemned and deemed disrespectful. LeBron James spoke up about the challenges of being black, a public figure, and discussed politics as he was interviewed by ESPN. Fox News’ television host, Lauren Ingraham attacked him and said, “Shut up and dribble.” Most recently, Drew Brees, the New Orleans’ Saints Quarterback said it was disrespectful to kneel during the national anthem, and Ingraham defended him by saying he was entitled to his opinion. Was not James entitled to his opinion as well? The kneeling to protest police brutality was peaceful, and the NFL recently offered an apology for not listening to players when they spoke out. If Black Americans were heard a few years ago, we may not be in the situation we are today. I hear many Anglo-Americans saying race relations are not an issue, while Black Americans are screaming at the top of their lungs, “Stop killing us!”
• Secondly, Dr. King spoke about the early Church in comparison to how it is now. The Church was strong and full of God’s power, but as for the modern Church, he said, “[t]he contemporary church is so often a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound. It is so often the arch supporter of the status quo.” Today, I see the Church in a similar stance. This is not to say we have not had progress as a nation, but we are still divided as a people. The Church has been silent in race issues because it refused to stir the pot. The solution for a divided nation is a united Church. If the Church does not unite, it will “be dismissed as an irrelevant social club with no meaning” for our century.

It is now more than ever the Church needs to unite and truly become the body of Christ. The purpose of the Cross, as written by the Apostle Paul in the second chapter of Ephesians, was to tear down the wall that separated the Jews and the Gentiles. The Cross not only intended to reconcile men to God but also men to men. Christ Himself prayed that we would become one, and people will know we belong to God only by the way we love another. I speak to you because you are the spiritual leaders of our communities. We are not merely battling flesh and blood but a spiritual battle. My hope and prayer is that we would listen to each other rather than dismiss one another. If one side continues to cry foul, while the other side denies it, we will continue to go in circles. Wake up Church.

“Oh nooo! Wow, that sucks!” I exclaimed as I looked on my car’s windshield. “It looks like a spider web,” I thought. We just had gotten done with our soccer games that Saturday, and as I was headed to my car, I saw the windshield cracked. I’d say “cracked” is an understatement for the way it looked. Thankfully, I found a shop that replaced my windshield the next day and at a cheaper price than most places. It felt good to see a brand new windshield. Not too long after I got my windshield replaced, I was driving down the road behind a car, and a small rock jumped out in front of my driver’s side of the windshield. It left a small imprint, but I was devastated. “I just got my windshield replaced!” As I drove, all I could do is focus on the imprint. It was really small, but because the windshield was new, it was noticeable to me. A couple of weeks ago, I was driving on Ronald Reagan Parkway in Northeast Atlanta and I began to focus on the small imprint. I realized I was holding the steering wheel, but I was not controlling my steering. When I regained consciousness, I found myself slowly drifting out of my lane, and quickly pulled myself back.

As I reflect on these thoughts, I realize something important—I begin to wonder where I put my focus most. I think there are two types of focus: a healthy focus and an unhealthy focus. I would be the first to let you know that I often fall into the “unhealthy” form of focus. Those of you who know me or have read my book, are familiar with the struggles and adversities I’ve had to overcome. I have had various successes and failures along my journey. Thankfully, the people who gathered around me believed in me, and that has been one of the biggest pillars of my life. I know I have never been alone. I think about my life today and realize how blessed I am despite my hardships. I am surrounded by people who want to see me succeed, I have a job that gives me the opportunity to impact people’s lives, I have a steady income, I have a car that takes me from point A to point B, and I have a wife who loves and cares for me. I do not mention this to brag on myself, but I realize I have more going for me than is against me. Keeping these thoughts in mind with a thankful heart is healthy. However, I sometimes lose sight and complain about the things I do not have.

Too often, I find myself complaining to God and doubting where I am going in life. I like to think about future opportunities and all the possible outcomes. I’m a big dreamer. It is great to dream, but when I realize I am not where I want to be or where I think I should be, I become discouraged and beat myself up. This is what I refer to as an “unhealthy focus.” I admit I have done this plenty of times these past few years.  Throughout this process, I have been training my mind to not dwell on the things I should have done in the past and shift to focusing on the things I should be doing now. Too often, I believe we get so focused on the things we didn’t accomplish and think, “I should have gotten my degree earlier,” “I should have done this!” or “I should have done that!” These thoughts can be toxic and can take us down a rabbit trail; they can cripple us from moving forward.

As I write this, my hope is that you will begin to identify where your focus is. When the Apostle Paul wrote his letter to the Philippian Church, he told them that he has not yet obtained perfection but forgot what was behind him to reach towards the higher call of God in his life through Jesus. The Apostle Paul had a resume he could brag about, but he chose to count it as rubbish and incomparable to the higher call of God. All I want in my personal life is to accomplish everything God has called me to do. The only way I should measure my success is based on the call of God in my life and not on another person’s success. The Apostle Paul ends his letter to the Philippians by affirming them to think on things that are true, pure, honest, and of good report. I may still have a small blemish on my windshield, but that shouldn’t stop me from driving to my destination. It shouldn’t stop you either.

Philippians 3:8-14 New International Version (NIV)

⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in^[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-8 New International Version (NIV)

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.